Lladro Statue

May 18, 2009

For a very long time, my parents have been collecting Lladro statues. For those who don’t know, they are these incredibly expensive porcelain figures from Valencia. I really never saw the point; I think they’re really dumb for art SO penny-robbing. Pretty, but dumb. A fake would look just as porcelain as a Lladro. Regardless, my parents have a few Lladros in the house, including a Buddha, Lakshmi, and a sad clown.

They have this one limited edition one of a boy and girl sitting on an elephant, being in love obnoxiously, as if to point, “Ha! We’re inanimate and still get more action than you.” The boy and girl are holding hands, and with his other hand, the boy is gesturing a gesture of hypothesizing, as if to say, “Oh, I’m a prat who knows everything, despite being a statue.” This statue resides on a table behind the couch in the living room.

Over December break, my parents decided to go on vacation to Ecuador instead of spending Christmas with their children. One night while they were away, my brother AJ sat on the living room couch to watch television. He stretched and before emitting the yawn that usually accompanies stretches like that, the house resounded with a delicate,  “BAM.” The Lladro statue had fallen on its side, amputating the boy’s hand and the girl’s foot. Just those two parts.

Every five seconds until my parents came back, AJ would express concern about their reaction to the wreck. When he finally broke the news, my parents were like, “Oh, no big deal. We only got that in September, and Lladro promises a replacement for every statue broken within a year for no charge.”

Last night while driving home after watching Star Trek, AJ asked my dad, “Whatever happened to the Lladro statue?” To which he responded, “Those fucking idiots. They don’t know how to do business at all!”

No, he wasn’t talking about the boy and girl. What happened was, he took the statue to the Lladro store and requested a replacement, but they wouldn’t give it to him because the statue was under $1000.

“So I asked those idiots, ‘Are you telling me, that if my son had instead broken the $7000 Buddha, you would replace it, no questions asked, but you can’t replace a $1000 one? ‘ They replied, ‘Sorry, sir, it’s store policy. We can’t do anything about it.’ So I told them, ‘That’s really dumb. I’ve been a loyal customer to Lladro for 25 years, and I cannot believe you operate under such a dumb rule where you’ll replace an extremely expensive piece, but not one of your cheapest. This is ridiculous.'”

And, in all honesty, my dad devised a plot: “Every year, I’m going to buy a fucking expensive Lladro statue. 10 months later, I’ll throw it down the stairs, break it, and ask them for a replacement. I’ll keep doing it every year until they change their policy.”

Then, he came to his wits: “No, that’s too much. I’ll tell you what: we’ll only do it for two years, and then they’ll get what I’m saying.”

I still don’t know whether he’s being serious or not, but this event made my night complete. It’s not much, but I’m glad it surfaced.

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